And the winner is...

Throughout our adoption process we have heard all kinds of rude, funny, ignorant, and/or invasive comments/questions. But the other day I was asked the winner of all questions (even beating out my 75-year-old sweet little grandma's comment of, "Well what's a Jap woman gonna do for the church?"), and it was (*drumroll*):  

 "Does she have real parents?"

I was speechless. I stared. I cocked my head to one side...waiting for this lady to realize what she had just said and correct herself or apologize or something...nope. She just kept looking at me, waiting for an answer. All I could think to say was, "You mean, biological parents?" And again, waited for her to realize what she had just said....nope...she said, "Yeah." And I said, "Uh...yyyeees."  In my head I wanted to say, "No, she was created from stardust." LOL, good times.

Aaaanyway...
This weekend we get TWO welcome home showers for Violet! One Saturday with our NCA friends and family and then one Sunday at church with our NWA friends and family!! I can't wait to see the cute stuff she gets - especially the sweet little homemade things I know some ladies at church are making!!

America Smells Awesome! Home 2.5 Weeks...still alive!

Phew! Jet lag hit me hard! I was really hoping to be one of those awesome people who blogged everyday on their trip and everyday once home...hmmm, nope. TOO TIRED!

Some days I really find myself missing Korea! But I do NOT miss the smell! It is a seaweed/sewage/motor oil  scent. I could not wait to get home and take a big sniff of good ol' USofA. I have a new appreciation for America! And I still notice how good it smells here every time I go outside.

After my last Korea post we also went to Insadong, which is another outdoor market/mall and bought some prescription glasses because you can get them REALLY CHEAP & FAST in Korea! Clay & I both have to wear glasses all the time - no contacts - and they are hundreds of dollars in the US! This was such a great find. When I find where I have hidden my camera I will upload pictures. We also went to Lotte World (we did not go into the theme park), but it was not as cool as everyone said it was. There was this absolutely so-awful-it-was-funny Korean culture museum and a grocery store and some shops. We then went to Home Plus which was kind of like a WalMart Supercenter only nicer and more expensive and on multiple levels - the best part was their amazing shopping carts that rolled easily in every direction.

On Friday we had our 2nd meeting with Violet. And on Monday at 3pm we got her forever! It was VERY sad! The president Dr. Kim said a prayer in Korean and the foster mom was crying. Clay & I both hugged the foster mom - which we are told not to do, because it is not in their custom - but we really didn't care at that moment. We're American and we hug - cry about it.  Then the social worker told us to get Violet and Clay took her and we walked out of the room. I still cannot hardly stand the pain the foster mom must have felt.

We took Violet to our room and she started crying. We made her a bottle and turned the lights low so she could take her nap, but she never did. She didn't cry a lot, just mostly a sad whine. At dinner time Clay put her in the carrier (which got a lot of stares - I don't think men typically carry the babies! lol) & she fell right to sleep - and then we walked to KFC! Clay ate standing up so she would stay asleep. That night she would sleep laying on top of me most of the night and I got very little sleep. We woke up at 5 to get ready and pack. Our driver came at 7am to take us to the airport. Violet did really well! Very little crying and lots and lots of sleeping. She slept almost the entire flight home! ON ME! I was very tired and sore. She was instantly attached to me (not to be confused with bonded) and Clay could only hold her if she couldn't SEE me.

We finally made it HOME! My mom, MIL and Aidan and Faith met us at the airport! I was so happy to see them! Violet cried for a few minutes in the car seat and then she was fine the whole drive home (as long as she couldn't see me). Our friends Luke and Caroline met us at our house and brought us dinner! That was so nice! My MIL stayed for a few days to help with Aidan and Faith which was also nice. I was very jet lagged and tired and still on Korea time. So I wanted to sleep during the day with Violet and was up all night. Luckily Violet slept all night too. Her way of grieving has been to sleep, sleep, and sleep. 

I also had pretty bad vertigo the entire time I was in Korea and for a couple weeks after coming home. It is finally gone! That was NO FUN! It also made me very tired and nauseated!

We are home and trying to adjust. I finally have my sleep schedule back to normal. Violet is an EXCELLENT sleeper! 1-2 naps during the day, ready to go to sleep at 9, wakes up 6-7! We are all still trying to bond to one another. I am very anxious for this! It gets better every day though. Violet has recently bonded with Aidan, and him with her! That has been very sweet to see!! They love each other!

Here are some Violet fun facts:
Violet loves to eat! This is not something I am used to after 2 very picky eaters (Faith hated food period!!) It is kinda fun to be able to give her anything and she will eat it! She loves Cheerios, bread, and seasoned seaweed most of all.

She loves to raise her arms up high which I saw her do with her foster mom. I learned that this is a Korean baby game "Man Seh!" So now she will do it every time I say "Man Seh!"

She does not walk! Nor does she like to learn!

She cries "Ooomma!" when she is sad/scared (which is every time I put her down, change her diaper, wipe her face, give her a bath, take off her socks/clothes)

She does not like to hold her own bottle! I think she knows how, but refuses to do it - and it hurts her feelings if you try and get her to. She also has no idea how to use a sippy cup (and will only try it if I am holding it for her)

She is ornery! She pinches, bites, and hits! She will completely ignore when you tell her "no" (she will sometimes listen when you say "hajima!"). I have tried to teach her some sign language but she will not pay attention...

She can be very lovey and gives kisses and lays her head on my shoulder and likes for me to hold her like a baby and feed her a bottle.

We have only heard her laugh a couple times and it has been in the last couple days. She gets scared very easily when up high (holding her up high while standing, and even picking her up from the floor to swiftly), but if you hold her up while laying a bed, she thinks this is very funny. And jumping on a bed!

SHE LOVES TO BE OUTSIDE!!! Our best days are when we can go outside! I wish it would stop raining!!

She still cries when Clay picks her up if she can see me.

She did really well her first time at church. We have learned she loves to be around people - and out of the house.

Korea, Day 2 or 3...I don't really know.

blogging

I am so mixed up on my days. It is 5 am here in Seoul, we are wide awake. It is very rainy outside. So we decided to blog and upload some pictures and eat breakfast. I am pretty sure I am drinking orange juice made from mandarin oranges. Very odd.

Clay making breakfast in the guesthouse

lunch with Dr. Kim and other families

Yesterday morning I could not wake up. I felt drugged. I guess that was jet lag. Eventually I had to wake up because we were to meet with Dr. Kim for lunch. She is a very sweet lady. We met in her office and there was another couple there from Los Angeles who was adopting their third child. Dr. Kim had us watch a video on Eastern (oddly enough it was a video I had already found and watched on YouTube), and then we went to a lunch room type area and there was a table set up covered in Korean food. Also there was another couple there from New York and their two teenage children adopted from Korea. They had come back to visit Korea with their children. They were all very nice! The food was good and we got to talk and ask each other questions. When that was over Clay and I went back to our room to change and then we went to the nursery to see the babies!! That was my favorite part! I wish I could do that every day! We were not allowed to take pictures, but there are multiple rooms with rows and rows of babies. Some were just days old. At first  I was told to hold Chong Soo, a CUTE, sweet little 8 month old baby. He was the wiggliest baby I have ever held. While I was holding him one of the nursery staff ladies told me he had a family in America! He was being adopted! He will live in Colorado! Oh how I wish I could find his parents and tell them I got to hold him!! Then the lady told me to go in the next room and sit at a table with him. I was not sure why. Then suddenly there was this big entourage of people all dressed up. Turns out it was some famous Korean celebrity that had stopped by to donate some baby items and visit the babies! His name is Choi Soo Jong. Dr. Kim introduced him to Clay and a photographer took their picture! Amazing! Then they walked passed me sitting with Chong Soo at the table and took my picture with him! I wonder if these pictures will be in some Seoul newapaper or magainze! We will check today. http://www.askactor.com/actor/Choi_Soo_Jong/galleries/

Choi Soo Jong

After that Clay and I just walked around picking up babies every time they cried and rocking them. I hope they all get adopted, they are so precious. I learned that after the adoptive parents go home with their children, the foster mom can then go right upstairs to the nursery and pick out another baby to take home if they choose. There are just not enough foster parents for all the babies. Some of the babies upstairs are 3-4 months old and laying in that bed day after day is the only life they have known. I assume they go to a different baby home once they start becoming more mobile. Our foster mother chose our little Violet at 2 months old. I am so thankful she chose her.
We eventually pried ourselves away from the babies and we ventured out to try out the subway and try and find the toy market. Everyone has told us how extremely easy the subway is to use. Well, we could not figure out to buy a subway card! They had machines everywhere to buy a ticket for one stop, but we wanted to buy the pass that lets you go all you want (well at least as much as we would need while we are here). Finally, we found a subway worker and he took us into the "Information Office" and went to his desk drawer and pulled one out! I am not sure if everyone else had to do this to get a card, but I'm thinking that 11 million people in Seoul do not go to his desk for their card. There was this nice kid who spoke English and he helped us take it to the machine and put money on it. And he asked where we were from and we said "America" and he said "I like American dramas". (Earlier that day we were flipping through the channels in our room and I saw an advertisement for all the CSIs) So I said, "CSI?" and he smiled and said "yes!" LOL

Seoul at night

Subway

Seoul

What are you thinking Dusty Butt

Outdoor toy market

Outdoor market

So this was my first subway experience. I am sure it is nothing like American subways. Of course, all I know is what I see in movies - how they are dark, dangerous and smell like pee - but this subway was spotlessly clean and bright.
There are 11 million people in Seoul so there is never a second where you are totally alone, so you always feel very safe wherever you go. We arrived at our stop and arrived at the "toy market". Which is a long street that looks like an alleyway filled with an abundance of different stuff. That is something about Korea, there is so much stuff! It just overflows onto the sidewalks and streets everywhere. Bags and buckets and boxes full of stuff everywhere! We bought a few souvenirs for the kids, but we did not find any great deals (everything was so expensive! 30,000\ & 40,000\ for small plastic teething rings and dolls!) Hopefully we can find some better deals elsewhere today.

Toy store

Outdoor market

We started to get hungry and decided to head back. We saw an advertisement for Outback Steakhouse in the subway and a hamburger sounded pretty good so we decided to go there if we could find it. We got to a street corner (there are always people walking and waiting at crosswalks) and Clay asked a couple if they knew where Outback was (most Koreans speak at least some English) and they said they were headed to Outback too and we could follow them! We got there and wouldn't you know it, they only served hamburgers at lunch time! Not for dinner! So we had chicken, and it was good. Headed back to Eastern we got a little turned around and Clay asked another couple on the corner where the Renai building was and the man had a little Asian flush going on and he thought it was so funny we were talking to him and his wife and they did not speak any English and he started making motions with his hands about my umm, hourglass figure (I just figured he was calling me fat), and making motions to Clay about trading wives! His wife was laughing and we were all laughing and he started showing me his muscles and Clay was still asking where the Renai building was and they were still saying they didn't know English and his wife was laughing and saying "sorry, fine thank you!" like trying to tell me that was the only English she knew, and that made me laugh! "Sorry, fine thank you!"  Oh boy, that was a fun time...
We finally found our way back to Eastern and went straight to bed at about 9pm.
It's Friday morning here and I just talked on the phone with my mom and Aidan. Faith has gone to her first sleepover at her friend Aubrey's house. Mom said she is very excited! I hope she makes it through the night! Aidan had a good day at school. His GT class had Science Olympiad and Aidan won first place in aerodynamics (paper airplane making)! And his school won 2nd place overall! They all ate lunch at CiCis pizza and my mom and Faith went and ate with them! Sounds like they are having a great time and that is very comforting! I miss them and can't wait to see them!!
Today we get to see Violet again! I hope she is more comfortable with us today. More updates to come! Excuse the odd placement of pictures. It is very difficult to move pictures in Blogger for some reason!!
~Amanda

The subway was much easier to use than most U.S. cities. The stations are very large, so for transfers, getting from the street to the train, and from the train to the street there is a lot of walking.I did show my muscles to that man, but didn't show off my dancing abilities like that guy did. I wish I would have, I am such a great dancer! ;)

-Clay

I JUST MET MY DAUGHTER!! (We made it! What an Adventure!)

She is SO BEAUTIFUL!

Oh. My. Gosh. You would not even believe what we have been through. This may not make sense because i haven't slept but I want to start at the beginning. First Tulsa helped us to miss our flight on Monday morning and we thought we would not even be able to come until this nice Delta couple found us an alternative route to Incheon. God continued to answer prayers the rest of the day. We had to first go to Salt Lake City where we had a 6.5 hour layover. Then, we flew to LAX with a 7 hour layover - flight leaving at 11:30pm. (Mind you this is all after we had gotten up at 3am to make our Tulsa flight.) When we arrived at LAX we wanted to make sure what gate we were leaving from but when we got there Korean Air said Tulsa had booked us on a business class flight and we only paid for economy and they were out of economy seats. We were so upset! After walking back and forth from 2 buildings (domestic/international) a few times we found someone to help us. He got Korean Air to put us on standby for economy seats & if we couldn't get on, he said he could book us on a flight leaving the next day at noon. So we had to wait up until 10:50pm to learn whether we got a seat or not. Well about 9:30 we found out we got 2 standby tickets! yay! But we were not seated together. Luckily there were 2 nice ladies who wanted to sit elsewhere and they traded with us! So we got to sit together! So after 12 hour flight to Incheon it was 4:30am in Korea and our driver would not be picking us up until 8am! We are so unbelievably tired by now. So our driver takes us to ESWS and we were told he was going to tell us when our meeting with our daughter was. Well, he didn't know. He said he would take us downstairs to the office to ask. He showed us our room, we had just enough time to set down our bags and walked back out. When we got to the office the lady in there said it was time to meet with our social worker! AHH! WHAT?!! This never happens. So there we wait - dirty, smelly, and tired. In walks the social worker. She barely speaks any English and tells us we will be meeting our daughter at 11am. It was 9:40am. Again - WHAT?!!! So we asked if we could go to our room to change our clothes and after filling out some paperwork she let us go. We showered and changed and immediately headed back downstairs and into a little room and there was the foster mom holding the little face I have seen only in pictures! I cried. She is SO PRETTY! Her little lip immediately went down and she clung tight to her foster mother. Soon we sat down and she would let me play with her a little with some balls. She loves balls! She didn't like for Clay nor I to touch her though. She loves her foster mother very much. She is going to be so sad when they part. Please pray for her. Then the social worker asked in her broken English "when do you want your baby?" And I said, "NOW." And she laughed. So we will get her on Monday evening before we leave. Oh boy, that will be a rough night. We will also meet Dr. Kim the director of the agency tomorrow. I am nervous about that! Anyway, our social worker then said it was time to go and we came straight up to the "Business Center" - as they call it - to blog!! Enjoy some pictures!

15 months old, waiting 10 months!

 

 Violet will be 15 months old this month. 

And I finally get to meet her in 4 days. This is unreal. It is still hard for my brain to fully process it is really happening. Maybe once we are on that plane it will sink in.  We have been waiting so long. Today marks 10 months of waiting since referral. And its finally over.

 We have been waiting for her, but she has not been waiting for us. I am grieving for the pain she and her foster mother will experience. My stomach is in knots. I am completely scatterbrained and can't seem to get organized. 4 more days...

TRAVEL CALL!!!!

We got it!! 

We got it!!! 

Monday morning at 9am Clay calls me and has our agency on 3-way and she tells us we can now make our travel arrangements and go get our daughter!! Clay was in California until Tuesday night, so he called a travel agent and made our travel arrangements today. We are leaving for Korea in 5 days!!!
My anxiety level is through the roof! I am terrified of flying and I have never been out of the country. I am nervous and excited to meet my daughter. I can't believe its actually happening! I have SO MUCH to do to prepare.
I found this wonderfully worded letter from an adoption website, and would like to share it:

Dear Family and Friends,

As we prepare for the arrival of our daughter, we have learned that while buying cute outfits and stocking up on baby essentials is important, even more important is the emotional health of our baby. In her short life, our daughter will have gone through more changes and life altering experiences than most adults could handle. Imagine how much harder the changes will be for her. While she may not consciously remember the events, she will still experience immense loss, including feelings of grief and trauma. She's already experienced the loss of a birthmother and will soon experience the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of his birth country. Her world will turn upside down. She will struggle with feeling safe and secure and she may lack the ability to trust that we will meet her needs.

We have prepared to meet her emotional needs so that she does learn that we will always take care of her and we will always keep her safe. We need your support. In order to form a strong and healthy attachment we will allow her to regress so that she has the opportunity to go through all of the emotional stages with us despite her chronological age. Although it may appear that we are spoiling her, we have been advised that it is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. Until she has learned that we are her parents, we will need to be her primary caretakers at all times. It is essential that we always hold her, feed her, and do all of the nurturing. You may wonder how long this will take, but the timeline is different for every child. We will follow her lead and trust our instincts as her parents rather than worry about what society expects.

We have all been waiting anxiously for our daughter to arrive but she has not been waiting for us. She may show her grief and confusion in many ways and we are prepared to help her through it and prove that we are a forever family and this truly is her last stop. We trust that as our family and friends you will help us to do what is best for our daughter, and we thank you in advance for your support and understanding.

Sincerely,


Clay & Amanda

Still waiting, and Things I Learned

Still no travel call.
We did, however, finally get all of our education requirements completed and turned in!!! I am SO glad it is all done! Such a relief!

Also completed all the required reading!  Some things I learned from Lois Ruskai Melina's "Raising Adopted Children":

Adoptive parents are no longer encouraged to use the "chosen baby" story to explain their motives for adopting. This explanation places an enormous burden on the adoptee, giving them an impossible image to live up to. She could be unchosen if she reveals herself to be imperfect.

Researchers are finding that genetics plays an influential role in the development of intelligence, personality, and even vocational interests. Recognizing the limitations of environmental influences can help parents be more unconditionally accepting of the children.

Children may grieve their losses again years later when they gain more understanding. They may be withdrawn, distracted, confused, clingy, or have bouts of sadness or anger. Adoption issues are never completely put to rest.  By containing an open atmosphere in which the child feels comfortable discussing his feelings, by validating those feelings, and by providing unconditional support, parents can help her through her period of mourning toward acceptance and understanding.

And also "Attaching in Adoption" by Deborah D. Gray:

Parents must be encouraged to enjoy meeting their child’s early needs for nurture. Doing so is taking a positive step toward ensuring that their child does not become a desperately needy adult later on.  The most successful parents are those who use highly nurturing approaches in parenting any children, including those who have had a rough start.
 
Until children are well-attached to their parents, big hugs, lap-sitting, long gazes, and being carried are intimate expressions of love reserved for members of the nuclear family - with the possible exception of grandparents.

Passport Issued!!

We received the email today from our agency telling us that Violet's passport has been issued! YIPPEE!!! We now enter the 2-4 week wait for travel clearance!!

Right now I am also starting to really worry about the recent nuclear disaster in Japan. A tsunami has damaged a nuclear power plant and it is at risk of complete meltdown and radiation being released into the atmosphere. My little girl is very close to Japan right now. The general public is being told there is no risk to Korea right now. Still doesn't make me want to hop on a plane and head in that direction! Unless its to get my child and leave!! Which is what I plan to do...

Preparation and Socks

There is no one post or one blog that can contain all of the preparation we have gone through to get ready for Violet. I am fairly confident that I could have read one book and been about as prepared as I am now. I could have read just one book and got her the next day and we would have been fine. However, that is not the way. Here are a few pictures of some of the most recent and most enduring preparation we have under taken.

Amanda says she hates Mondays. She actually is just sad that we're still waiting. We believe that God's time line is the only one, but it is harder for moms. I just pray about it a lot and put it out of my mind, some days. Today that is pretty hard. I'm not certain exactly why, but there was an understanding in the air at work today that there were somethings that people needed me to get done before I traveled and stayed home to attach. It was busy and I left with many more things on my to-do list than I arrived with, but I liked it. It was fun. I worked hard. That makes me happy.

Most of the documentation.

The binder on the left does not look very big, but it was filled one piece of paper at a time: one copy of a document, form completed, form received, and important documents to be saved at a time. There is a lot of stuff in there. If our house was on fire and I could get one thing, I would get this binder. Most people think of pictures first, but all of our pictures are on my laptop and those are all backed up, so this binder is next. We could start over with this binder and some cash. Marriage license, birth certificates, immunization records, income tax information, insurance policy information, and proof that we've completed the education requirements for the adoption are all in this binder.

Books

To the right are some of the books we have read. These are the books that were required. I have read a lot of non-fiction books in the last several years. These are not the best. In fact, I have some disappointment in how most of them are not speaking to the situation we find ourselves in. Most paint one horror story after another. Basically, if Violet does not bind us and set us on fire while forcing the other children to watch, we have been warned. Most likely whatever our journey ends with we will have read about much, much worse.

Certificates

Left are some of the certificates we have earned. Some were for online classes. Online classes are either really good or they are really bad. Amanda and I have sat through about 50 hours of online or synchronous classes. Through those, we have been bonded closer. Through those we have learned a lot of important things. 

I hope Violet likes socks.

We have acquired a few pairs of socks for Violet. I hope she gets to wear each pair once before she grows out of them. It seems like a lot of socks and somewhat wasteful. I will tell you that I am confident that Amanda has paid much less than you would imagine for that drawer of socks. We probably have $8.00 invested in socks. That seems impossible, but if you figure Amanda has shopped for 40 hours a week for 50 weeks a year (she does take her two weeks of vacation) for 3 years, she has had 6,000 hours to find the best sock deals on the Internet.

I cannot wait to have child number three at home. I am very tired of having a child living half-a-world away. I believe that at some point I might have actually wished that either child 1 or child 2 did live half-a-world away. I now regret that. I should have just wished for a visit to Bella's or Grandma's. Be careful what you wish for!

Through documentation, education, and socks, I know we will be prepared. Certainly more than the education and even more than the socks, I faithfully believe God has prepared us too. I am thankful to Him. Amanda and I have always had hearts ready to raise children and to adopt children. I am thankful to God for her. I am prayerful to Him for more patience and wisdom in child rearing. I love Him for the sacrifice for me, Amanda, and our children. I pray that our children will be agents in growth of His church.
-CLAY

No Passport yet, I hate Mondays

I am checking my email every five seconds.

Waiting for Passport & Spring Break

Well, we are officially headed into week 2 on our wait for Violet's passport.  This last week has also been Spring Break and Aidan and Clay have been home. We have spent all weekend getting our house cleaned and reorganized in preparation for Violet's arrival! We bought some suitcases, diapers, and made a gift registry at Toys R Us! We sold some items on Craigslist and made some money for our trip! We also decided to put our mattress on the floor, which will hopefully help Violet to be safer and more comfortable, but it sure is hard for us old/fat people get out of bed in the mornings! I got out all of Faith's baby clothes that I think might fit Violet and washed them; I am still trying to find enough hangers to hang them up! My little boy turned 12 and had some friends spend the night. Later we took him out to a movie and Toys R Us and bought him a Razor (an effort on my part to get him away from the video games and outside into the sunshine). We are headed to Harrison for our nephew's birthday and then the guys head back to school Monday...hopefully the next week will go by just as quickly and we will have her passport before we know it. Then it will be a lifetime of waiting for that travel call...

Finally! EP APPROVAL!

Today we got the email that Violet's EP has been issued!!! Now it is 1-2 weeks for passport, and 2-4 weeks for travel clearance.  Back to constantly checking my email!! I am getting SO NERVOUS!!!

Tomorrow is Aidan's birthday party. He will have some friends come over and spend the night. His actual birthday is on Monday, and my little boy will be 12! I can't believe it!! Where does the time go?!

Really?!! Still nothing today!!

What is going on over there in Korea?!! This is excruciating.

Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."- John 13:7

A new week!

It is Monday at Midnight (14th - I don't know why my blog says 13th)! The start of a new week! I am pretty anxious to see what this week will bring! How will I handle it if I still get no news all week long? One day at a time. Lots of prayer. 4 more days and will be an entire month of waiting for our EP approval.

Yesterday was my birthday. Yuck. I hate my birthday. Clay was out of town too. I spent the day with Faith though. I always love to spend time with my precious daughter. Then after church I went to my parents where my dad grilled me steak! It was good!

Before Clay went out of town he did surprise me with new furniture! (Well, new to us!) It was the sweetest thing hes ever done! He put time and effort and thought into planning out this surprise! I was sitting on the couch (luckily I had gotten dressed that day and not wearing pajamas...and had also vacuumed!) and Clay opens the front door and said "I have a surprise for you!" And in walks his co-worker! I looked out the door and there is a U-Haul in the yard full of furniture! I was so confused and in shock it took awhile for it to sink in!  And then they started moving out the old furniture and moving in the new! And then 2 other guy friends showed up to help! There was a couch, love seat,  huge TV cabinet, and 2 end tables and a coffee table! Apparently he got a really good deal on the whole lot! I love a bargain! Luckily just that morning I had made brownies and was able to cut them into huge pieces and give them to the guys as a thank you! haha! No pajamas, vacuumed, AND brownies! God was in on it. That new comfy couch will be so nice for late nights with Violet!

I get so many adoption questions and I am so terrible at explaining things. I would love if all our family and friends would be as obsessed with our adoption as I am and read all the blogs, books, and magazines that I do and fill their brain with knowledge to better understand what is happening! BUT since that is unrealistic, I would like to post some excerpts from the book I am reading...

"It takes very determined parents to intrusively and persistently impose attachment strategies upon a resistant child."

"Spouses who are able to lean on each other and on extended family...or friendship support system feel less isolated and better able to weather the storms as a toddler adjusts to his new life circumstances."

"The intrusive strategy is often accompanied by deliberately regressing the toddler to the bottle-fed stage of development. Deliberately regressing the toddler to bottle feeding accommodates the incorporation of the other elements of the attachment process: eye-contact, smiling, physical touch, and motion."

NOPE.

Now I have to wait through the weekend.

It has been about 25 days now.  I guess the 4-6 week wait is going to be true for us.

Clay is out of town so I took the kids to Fun City for pizza and games. They had a good time and I got to sit and read some of the required reading. Maybe God doesn't think we are ready yet since we have one book left. So I will go read some more before bed!

AAAHHHH!!!!!

NOPE. STILL NOTHING.

NEW PICTURE! Still no approval...

WHERE IS THE APPROVAL?! I know they always say 4-6 weeks, but it NEVER takes that long! Almost everyone before us got their approval in about 15 days! It has been over 20 days and still no approval. I am going a little crazy. I feel like everything takes longer for US! I am sure everyone feels like that at one point. It is so frustrating!


On a lighter note, we were pleasantly surprised with a picture of the most beautiful little Korean princess I have ever seen in a hanbok yesterday!! ENJOY!

 She is looking so much bigger. Her face has really changed. I am amazed how beautiful she is. That makes me so sad to watch her grow through pictures. It is going to be SO hard on her now to transition to our family, and worse the older she gets...

By the way, the consignment sale was not as great this time. No car seat & not many clothes to choose from. But I did find a few outfits, and I also got one of those push toys that will help her walk. Faith loved hers. Of course, she may be an old pro at walking by the time she gets home.

WHERE is the approval!?!! And car seat confusion.

I have been checking my email constantly, but still no notice of EP Approval. It has been almost 20 days!! Most get their approvals by this time! I made the mistake of telling everyone we may travel within a month. Every time I do that I jinx myself and add on more time to our wait. In the meantime I have been researching car seats. I cannot decide. I have that problem with most things. Clay will need a car seat in his car and I will need one. So we need 2. And of course I want the super nice ones with all the safety features, but  I am nervous to spend $400 on 2 car seats! I know I could get by spending $100 for both, and they all have to meet safety regulations anyway. Decisions, decisions. I am going (hopefully if I can get a sitter) to a gigantic consignment sale that comes around every 6 months or so tonight. I get a mom-to-be pass to get in early tonight (open to everyone else tomorrow) since I am adopting! Yay! Although I hear tonight will be like Armageddon with all those crazy moms pushing and shoving and stealing thing out of your basket, etc. haha! I am hoping maybe to find a car seat, but I am afraid to say I spent way too much money on clothes online last week so I cannot buy many more clothes at the sale :(. I am also excited that I bought a Loopa bowl from www.thinkgeek.com. A little one in Faith's playgroup had one and everyone was amazed! They do not spill!

http://www.thinkgeek.com/geek-kids/1-3-years/c0d9/

My sweet husband went to Wal-Mart last night with me (just to get stuff to make chili) and while I was in the restroom he grabbed Gerber puffs, baby food, baby spoons, diapers, wipes, and a can of formula! haha! I said, "we really don't need to get this stuff right now..." And he cut me off and said, "I need to!! Just let me do it! I'm having a baby!" haha! So cute.

I am going to go continue checking my email now...OH PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE LET ME GET THE APPROVAL TODAY!!!!!!

EP SUBMITTED!!! And another update!

Yay!! FINALLY! Some movement!!! 

We got an email from our agency February 18th telling us Violet's EP had been submitted the week before! So looking back through the past history of timelines, most everyone traveled about 45 days after EP submission!! So hopefully we will travel in early April and I will be able to buy 2 little Easter dresses this year! Okay, so I already have! I just hope Miss V comes home in time to wear it! And hunt some Easter eggs!

Since we have EP I have also been very anxious because that means it really is time to get things done! Get the house ready, education requirements done, and buy things! I got Faith's baby clothes out of the attic yesterday. There is not much and most have mystery stains from being stored. I had given most away not anticipating anymore children at that time. I have bought a couple gifts for the foster family and a few outfits for Violet (some coordinating with Faith's!), but STILL - I cannot bring myself to buy much yet. Back in November I thought once I get her next update I will start shopping for her. But then I felt that was too soon. Then I thought once January gets here I will start - nope. Then I thought for sure once we got her EP. Well, I still hesitate! I don't know why! I am so scared to buy all this stuff and then she never comes home!  So now I am waiting for her EP to be approved, and then I will hopefully do most of the shopping. That is typically when things really begin to speed up. Friends at church have been asking when they should throw me a shower, and I mentioned maybe after we get EP approval, but after she comes home would be good too. But I still need necessities like a car seat, diapers, & wipes. Everything costs money, money, money! One problem we have run into is not knowing exactly how much to budget for our trip to Korea. We are still trying to save and are afraid to spend any of it because we just do not know how much we need to travel!
We did, however, get another update on her!! She is 18.3 lbs and 28.7 inches!! Such a petite princess! So, I have bought some size 12 month clothes, I hope that is right! Most clothing brands include weight and height on their sizing. (Again, I don't want to buy much until closer to time in case she comes later than anticipated and outgrows everything.)  She is also standing alone and taking steps with support. This makes me kinda sad. I was so hoping to see her first steps. Oh well, there will be firsts for me! She had her first birthday tol and we were told she picked a pencil and then a golf ball at her toljabee. Maybe that means she will be smart and athletic?! Imagine an athlete in our family?!! We do not have one of those! haha! That should be fun!! ALSO, we are supposed to get pictures of her in her Hanbok at her tol in the mail!! I cannot WAIT to see them!!!

We bought this amazing photo book about the area we live in for Violet's foster family

Happy Valentine's Day! Waiting 8 months...

 
This is not going to be an uplifting post. Valentine's Day is here, and still no end in sight to this wait. Sometimes in my head when I get really overwhelmed that she is not here I think, "Oh gosh, I am dying, I'm dying without her here...I'm really dying!" Then the anxiety peaks and levels off (when I remember to hand the burden over to God). But I ALWAYS have this knot of anxiety in my chest. I really hate those times. We have now been waiting 8 months. Last year, no one was waiting longer than 8 months.  Why us? I have to wonder.  God knows. He has been here though this whole wait and it will happen when He is ready. When He knows we are ready. Clay is really stressed right now writing his dissertation and he also got a promotion at work - which was a complete blessing - but also comes with more responsibility.  Although I know he would love to have Violet home and never want it to be postponed a minute, God probably knows traveling now and a new baby might just put him over the edge. Clay and I have most of our education requirements done. We got our CPR certification a few weeks ago.  There was another couple we know who is adopting from Korea through our same agency in our class! That was neat! I am also reading the last book. Of course if they called us tomorrow we would get them complete in no time at all! Its hard to rush through something when you feel like there is no need to rush! Especially when all the books and online classes are so disheartening and gloomy! One class has this lady narrator always talking about how scary it must be for the newly adopted child to come into your family - over and over and over in this very melancholy tone of voice.  Clay mocks her saying, "have you ever been locked in a cage, and fed razorblades..." or something like that, haha! And our books all focus on whether or not you want to choose to adopt a toddler. Well its too late for that! Its like they're trying to talk us out of it or tell us how horrible its going to be once she gets home! Doom and gloom!! Almost ALL of our education requirements refer to unloved older children from orphanages. It just doesn't apply to our daughter. I would like some information on what to expect from OUR daughter and her situation. I get all that information from other parents who have been through an adoption similar to ours. It does make me realize just how blessed we are that Violet is being cared for in a foster home and has learned to make attachments and learned to love and trust adults. She will have great pain and grieve her losses, but that is a good sign that if we can meet her needs she can transfer that attachment to us.

Now if we can just get her home.

"What's in a name?"

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet." - Juliet

 

Violet Rachel? Violet Caroline? Violet Evelyn? Violet June? Violet Maxine? Violet Miriam? Violet Blair? Violet Nadine?

 

So we still have not decided on our sweet daughter's middle name. For some reason Clay and I cannot decide. We feel like the name "Violet" was meant to be. It is the English version of the name given to her by her birth mother. So we want to be able to give her a middle name from us. Why is it so hard to decide? We love her so much, we just want it to be perfect I guess. Also, Clay has his favorites, and I have mine. I also want to keep her Korean name as a second middle name. But do I spell it "Bo Ra" or "BoRa" or "Bora"?  I really would like for us to make a decision before she comes home because her name will most likely be announced at church and I want to make "birth" announcements to mail out. I am not even sure when her name needs to be decided on for a birth certificate/social security card, etc. 

We love old names and I have spent hours looking through baby names of the 20's, 30's, 40's, etc.  We also love family names or a name after someone special to us.  Violet was also Clay's paternal grandmother's name, so its a good name. I love the name Rachel after reading "Uncle Tom's Cabin", I grew up knowing a sweet lady at church we all called "Miss Nadine" or "grandma Nadine" who never had biological children of her own but had more "children" than anyone I know. Maxine was both mine and Clay's grandmother's names. I have a great-great grandmother named Caroline and we also have a good friend named Caroline - and we just think its pretty. The others are just some we like also. It is so hard to decide. We also love the name Charlotte, but it does not sound good with Violet unfortunately. Faith always calls her Violet Paige because that is my mother-in-law's favorite name and they have decided that is what her name shall be, haha! So that will most likely be a nickname! After much debate over Faith's name when I was pregnant with her, her nickname is now affectionately "Faith Amy Maxine Louise James Wayne." You had to be there. 

We will keep going through names trying to decide. I just hope Violet likes her name we choose.  Who am I kidding? I think all kids wish they had a different name at some point right? LOL

Happy Seollal!

Violet is celebrating Seollal, the Korean New Year, this week! From what I have read it is the most important of the traditional Korean holidays. It is a 3 day holiday and most people travel to visit family, dress in their hanboks,  pay respects to their elders (Sebae), give gifts, play traditional folk games, and eat lots of food.

Sebae

 I wish I knew if Violet was traveling or meeting new people, learning cultural customs, or trying new foods. I wonder if she has a hanbok or if she will receive any gifts. I know she should be getting our gifts we sent right around this time! That is exciting to think about! We sure love her and think about her every second of everyday.

새해 복 많이 받으세요! 

Happy New Year, Violet! 

This year is going to bring some amazing changes in all our lives!

More Birthday Moments

Well the birthday post was short...it was just a very painful time being without Violet and we all just tried to get through it. But now I would like to write some more. First of all, I was (and have been) thinking of Violet's birth mother. I wondered if she was thinking of her tiny baby she last saw one year ago. I believe she loved her little Bo Ra very much and that making an adoption plan for her must have been very hard and painful. I am so proud that she was able to give my daughter her birth name. I hope some day I can meet her and thank her for the gift she gave and tell her she is forever a part of our family. Violet just has no idea how many people all around the world were thinking of her on her birthday.
We did have our own little celebrations to commemorate Violet's special day. Clay took Aidan and Faith out for dinner. Then the next day I took them to Fun City (Clay was out of town). When he got back we all shared some cake and took some pictures so hopefully one day she will know we were all thinking of her although she was far away.

 

Having pizza at Fun City

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I also sent off Violet's birthday package. I took this picture, but the "sun" toy did not make it in, and I also added 2 Gymboree outfits and a small blanket that matches. I forgot to take pictures of them before I packed them :(. I sent a Burt's Bees "starter kit" and some baby shampoo and diaper rash cream - and spent hours trying to translate all the items into Korean Hangul and printing them off and taping them on each bottle. They are probably all wrong and make no sense, but hopefully the foster mom can figure out what they are! I also sent the foster mother some Red Door perfume, body butter from Bath & Body Works, a Valentines bag with chocolates, a heart hand towel & V-day card, and about 100 pictures of our family (most terrible quality - boo Snapfish). For the birthday girl we sent a birthday card that sings "Happy Birthday", a book that let Clay and I record ourselves reading, 2 pairs of shoes (size 4 - I have no idea if they will fit!), a cream colored with a black floral print baby Gap dress (size 12 mos), a toy phone, Desitin, baby shampoo, & the outfits & blanket I mentioned (I will post some pics I found online).

Here is what the blanket I sent looks like - I found this pic online

Here is a picture I found online of the shirt & pants I sent

 Good news - we are seeing some movement now with EPs! Some other families have already been submitted and approved and they are waiting on passports and travel clearance! That means we could very well be next! It may not be a Valentine surprise like I had hoped, but very soon!

Faith also had her "show day" at gymnastics last week! She is such a great gymnast ;) Aidan also made ALL A's this semester!!! WOOHOO! I have GREAT kids!!!

SNOW DAY!!