This is not going to be an uplifting post. Valentine's Day is here, and still no end in sight to this wait. Sometimes in my head when I get really overwhelmed that she is not here I think, "Oh gosh, I am dying, I'm dying without her here...I'm really dying!" Then the anxiety peaks and levels off (when I remember to hand the burden over to God). But I ALWAYS have this knot of anxiety in my chest. I really hate those times. We have now been waiting 8 months. Last year, no one was waiting longer than 8 months. Why us? I have to wonder. God knows. He has been here though this whole wait and it will happen when He is ready. When He knows we are ready. Clay is really stressed right now writing his dissertation and he also got a promotion at work - which was a complete blessing - but also comes with more responsibility. Although I know he would love to have Violet home and never want it to be postponed a minute, God probably knows traveling now and a new baby might just put him over the edge. Clay and I have most of our education requirements done. We got our CPR certification a few weeks ago. There was another couple we know who is adopting from Korea through our same agency in our class! That was neat! I am also reading the last book. Of course if they called us tomorrow we would get them complete in no time at all! Its hard to rush through something when you feel like there is no need to rush! Especially when all the books and online classes are so disheartening and gloomy! One class has this lady narrator always talking about how scary it must be for the newly adopted child to come into your family - over and over and over in this very melancholy tone of voice. Clay mocks her saying, "have you ever been locked in a cage, and fed razorblades..." or something like that, haha! And our books all focus on whether or not you want to choose to adopt a toddler. Well its too late for that! Its like they're trying to talk us out of it or tell us how horrible its going to be once she gets home! Doom and gloom!! Almost ALL of our education requirements refer to unloved older children from orphanages. It just doesn't apply to our daughter. I would like some information on what to expect from OUR daughter and her situation. I get all that information from other parents who have been through an adoption similar to ours. It does make me realize just how blessed we are that Violet is being cared for in a foster home and has learned to make attachments and learned to love and trust adults. She will have great pain and grieve her losses, but that is a good sign that if we can meet her needs she can transfer that attachment to us.
